Full Circle

I'm sitting here at work (it probably seems like I'm always at work, not so, I just tend to think more when it's 3am and there's nothing else to do). Anyway, I'm trying to fill out an application to go back to BYU-Idaho. So that made me think of a story.

Let me tell you a story. When I was but a young (and very immature) girl, I went to college. I went to college in Minnesota for a few years and floundered and floundered and floundered my time and money away. (I had fun though.) So when I thought I had done all the floundering I could possibly do, I went to BYU-Idaho (formerly known as Ricks College - who the heck is Rick anyway). I started out pretty good there.....and then I got preoccupied and I started to flounder again. Flounder my time and my money and my grades, that is. I floundered so much that they (Rick) told me to leave..."and don't cha come back no more no more no more no more, hit the road Jack (lynita) and don't cha co-me back no more", he said.

Wow, that hurt. I was so upset, I didn't know what to do with myself. I felt like a total failure. As a matter of fact, I WAS a total failure.

Sooooo, as my life went on, this failure thing started to really affect me. It affected my self- esteem, it affected my relationships, it even affected my marriage. So, one day, I woke up, after having three kids, and decided. That was it. I wasn't gonna feel like this anymore. I decided to go back to school and prove to MYSELF that I WAS NO FAILURE.

So, I did. I went to school. I did my very best in every class I took. (I even WENT to every class.) I did it with three very small children. I did it while I did daycare and transcriptions from my home. I did it through ectopic pregnancies and surgeries and sprained whoozits and whatcha-ma-call-its. I DID IT. I got my RN. I graduated with some very impressive grade-age. (Hey, it's hard to spell words that aren't really words.)

Now, as I sit here, filling out my application for the bachelors RN degree from BYU-Idaho (well, okay, obviously I've taken a break from filling out my application because I'm here now talking to you), I just find it kind of ironic, that I could get a bachelors degree from the very place that told me to get out and never come back. By the way, this isn't the first time I've tried to fill out the application. I think I've printed it off at least 9 times since I graduated. Quite honestly, I think I'm a little scared to go back there. (I wouldn't actually, physically go back there. It's an online program.) I'm afraid they might just tell me to go away again.

So...wish me luck. I HOPE I get up the nerve to apply.... and I hope they let me back in.